Between remembering and forgetting

Now for the helpful things about this book. One thing which would have been good to know before is that people with dementia live 'in the moment'. Hence the importance of visiting, even when it seems like a waste of time and energy. On reflection, this may seem pretty obvious, but I can't help thinking the quality of our visits to Auntie would have been higher if someone had explained things to us in this way, and emphasised what a positive thing it is. It's one of the things I will want to offer my congregation, many of whom faithfully visit old friends who are much changed by dementia.

The emotional difficulty relatives face is acknowledged by some of the contributors, and it was helpful, in that context, to read: "Treating people as people rather than objects is a profoundly spiritual task".

On spirituality, we noted that Auntie, a committed Christian, would respond to the reading of scripture, especially the Psalms. Of course, the Authorized Version was essential for this. She had been a speaker at women's meetings for decades, and one time we visited she was (without any acknowledgement of her visitors!) addressing such a gathering. This was one of her most lucid moments. Whatever one's cognitive ability, our relationship with God goes well beyond mere reason, and the book makes it clear we must not fall into the trap of thinking otherwise.

One contributor suggests a new way of seeing things: "By giving the gift of time and helping people to feel occupied, included, respected and loved, the Church has a very special ministry to offer those who have dementia." "Imagine a world where the local residential home or sheltered housing scheme was the hub of community activity in an area, with doors open to a variety of interesting experiences inside and outside the home - a place that people enjoy visiting rather than dread that they might end up there." I started reading the book looking for ways in which people with dementia might be most blessed through our acts of corporate worship, but have come to a point where I recognise we may do better the other way round, by partnering caring institutions in offering acts of worship accessible to people with dementia, and inviting the rest of the world to join in. But always the problem of time and resources! Meantime, people with dementia need to be loved and cherished by the congregation, and I wonder whether the mere practice of 'coming to church' can not in itself be a blessing.

I'll come back to this in a later post, but there are comments about making worship more accessible (colour and font sizes on service sheets; symbols and pictures to"amplify the purpose of the text"; audibility, etc) which have great value for many people with disabilities.

Finally, a quote which expresses the frustrations of many of the contributors, and which links two of my themes for this sabbatical. "What goes wrong, that we can no longer recognize our fellow humanity in a person with dementia? It is the same problem that used to blight the care of people with learning disabilities.... It is a valuing of people according to the functions of their brain, ignoring the rest of their personality."

Between remembering and forgetting: the spiritual dimensions of dementia, edited by James Woodward, is published by Mowbray. ISBN 978-1-4411-3114-0. Available from Amazon.