Two confessions and a whinge

Confession 1: One of the reasons for including dementia as one of my topics was my experience with visiting Tricia's aunt. When she died last year at the age of 95 she was in a nursing home, and had been in residential care for the last seven or eight years. Tricia had power of attorney, and we were her only regular visitors. Although never formally diagnosed with dementia, in the last four or five years Auntie displayed many of the symptoms. She had no idea who we were, was confused generally, and conversations were very difficult. I often felt the visits were a complete waste of time, and found it difficult to communicate with this person who wasn't the Auntie I knew. Often it was a real drag to even go in the first place. And yes, that did make me feel guilty, especially when I felt I was making things difficult for Tricia.

Confession 2: One of my responsibilities has been to conduct services about once a quarter at a local home. A new chaplain came, and made some excellent suggestions for making worship accessible to the residents, more and more of whom were dementia patients. The suggestions involved set liturgies and extensive use of the visual and tactile. He was absolutely right, but my main feeling was of relief that I would soon be retiring! It shames me to say it, but there's something of the old dog and new tricks about this.

Whinge: In my last post I mentioned the book I was looking forward to reading. Thus far it has been a disappointment. Written by health professionals (including chaplains), it seems to also be for health professionals. The only time a congregational or parish minister is mentioned is in an extended complaint by a chaplain who felt her mother was neglected by her church's Rector. Apparently regular visits by the parish pastoral team weren't enough. In my church are 9 people either diagnosed with dementia, or clearly at some stage in the process. I'm busy enough - an Anglican parish minister even more so, with a much wider range of responsibilities than any health service chaplain. Having said that, there is some justification in the complaint, but it has been galling (thus far) to find this as the only comment on the wider church.

However (always good to have a however after a whinge), I've just begun a section about helping people with dementia to worship. The context is separate services in day centres, hospitals and care homes, but there looks to be some help for those of us who are responsible for leading worship in a wider context, but whose congregations include people with dementia.

So the next post should be much more positive, and will include the good things I have found in the book. Hopefully I'll post in the next day or two.